Tips

Remember to stay calm, don't stomp your feet or make your hands into fists. Make sure you stay relaxed the whole time, in order to keep tensions low.

If you're about to engage in an important encounter, like asking for a raise or getting out of an unhealthy relationship, ask a friend to role-play with you. Practice what you are going to say, and have your friend give you feedback. If you aren't assertive enough, try it again. This works best if the friend knows the person with whom you're about to engage.

If you have to deliver bad news, don't offer unnecessary details. If you explain every single reason for your decision, the other person can use those reasons as negotiation points. Your decision is firm, and this will come across most clearly if you are short and to the point.

Maintain eye contact when arguing your point.

Here are some techniques that are used in assertive communication:

• Broken record - consists of simply repeating your requests or your refusals every time you are met with resistance.
• Fogging - consists of finding some limited truth to agree with in what an antagonist is saying. More specifically, one can agree 'in part' or agree 'in principle'.
• Negative inquiry - consists of requesting further, more specific criticism.
• Negative assertion - consists in agreement with criticism without letting up demand.
• 'I' statements - used to voice one's feelings and wishes from a personal position without expressing a judgment about the other person or blaming one's feelings on them.